When you dream about bringing a dog into your life, it’s easy to get caught up in an idealised version of what that will look like. You imagine long, peaceful walks in the countryside, lazy afternoons at the local café, or even your dog playing happily with others at the park. But what happens when reality looks very different from the dream?
This topic hits close to home for me. When I brought my dogs into my life, I had visions of what our days would look like together. I pictured outings where we’d be the envy of other dog Guardians—calm, content, and perfectly in sync. But as many of you may already know, life with a reactive dog doesn’t always allow for that picturesque reality.
For me, it was a hard pill to swallow. I didn’t just feel disappointed—I felt like I’d failed my dogs. Why couldn’t I give them the carefree, social life I’d envisioned? Why were we avoiding busy areas, walking at odd hours, and always on edge about what might happen? It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that the dog I thought I was going to have wasn’t the dog I had. And that’s okay.

Adjusting Expectations
One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned as a Guardian of reactive dogs is that managing expectations doesn’t mean giving up—it means embracing reality and working with it. Some of my dogs don’t enjoy bustling parks or noisy cafes. They feel stressed when other dogs invade their space, and large crowds can be overwhelming. Instead of trying to force them into situations that make them uncomfortable, I’ve learned to celebrate what they do enjoy.
For Stormzy it’s a quiet walk where he can sniff to his heart’s content without feeling rushed, and pee on every blade of grass! Ozzie loves Hoopers and one-on-one time with me. Luna thrives on trick and obedience training, which keeps her mentally stimulated, especially now that her hips limit her from enjoying long hikes. Trip loves the beach, the sand sends him a bit loopy. And old man Austin just wants to be fed 24/7! These moments might not match the glossy images I once had in my mind, but they bring so much joy and connection—and that’s what really matters.
The Beauty of Meeting Your Dog Where They Are
Adjusting my expectations has also allowed me to see my dogs for who they truly are, rather than who I wanted them to be. Not all dogs are super social. Some prefer the comfort of home to the chaos of a café, and that’s perfectly valid. Just like us, dogs have unique personalities, and they don’t all thrive in the same environments.
As a dog trainer, I’ve worked with countless Guardians who share similar stories. They feel guilty or frustrated because their dog doesn’t behave the way they’d hoped. But the truth is, our role isn’t to mould our dogs into the ideal companion we imagined—it’s to help them become the happiest, most fulfilled version of themselves.
Think of it like this: when you give your dog clear instructions, it’s like providing a map in a city they find scary. Instead of flailing around, unsure of what to do, they follow your lead. This mental stimulation also keeps their brain busy, which can lower anxiety and help them focus on something productive (rather than, say, barking at a leaf blowing by).

Letting Go of the "Perfect Dog"
Grieving the dog you thought you were going to have doesn’t mean you love your actual dog any less. It’s okay to feel sad about the experiences you’ll miss out on. But it’s equally important to focus on the unique bond you can build with the dog in front of you. Letting go of the “perfect dog” allows you to embrace the perfectly imperfect reality of the dog you’ve got.
I’ve come to realise that the life I have with my dogs is different from what I envisioned, but it’s no less meaningful. Every walk, every quiet moment together, and every milestone we achieve feels so much more rewarding because of the challenges we’ve faced. My dogs have taught me patience, resilience, and empathy in ways I never expected, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.
Moving Forward
If you’re struggling with a similar experience, know that you’re not alone. It’s okay to grieve the life you thought you’d have with your dog, but don’t let that grief stop you from seeing the beauty in the life you can build together. Celebrate the small wins, focus on what your dog can do, and remember that you’re doing your best.
At the end of the day, our dogs don’t care about living up to our expectations. They just want to feel safe, loved, and happy. And as Guardians, that’s the most important thing we can give them. If you need a hand doing this, give me a shout.
So, every time you teach your dog a new skill or practice those turns on a walk, remember: you’re not just teaching them to respond to cues. You’re helping them feel secure, supported, and ready to take on the world. And honestly, isn’t that what we all want?